i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
