Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
