Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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