You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
