dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
