yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
