if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
