Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
