Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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