he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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