he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
