omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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