conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
