I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
i've created a new STD.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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