my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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