My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
