No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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