her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
