You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
