Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
