He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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