i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
