if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
