That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
