He felt like a one man threesome
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
