It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
