she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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