Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You are a genius and a whore.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
