this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
