Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize