Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
