I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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