Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
