it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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