I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
