After last night, I could never be a politician.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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