Is it because I queefed?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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