Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
