Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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