Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
