Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
