I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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