I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
