Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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