i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
porn star boner night. come get it.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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