i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
