yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
