so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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