Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I deserve this hangover.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
