i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
