left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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