I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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