you lied. pity sex is amazing.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
