one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
