; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize