I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
