Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Can I color on your dick again?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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