The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
