i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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