If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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