I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize