Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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