my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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