Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
