My liver just broke up with me...
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
