On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
