somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Randomize
