i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
