Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
